SONGS AND SCRIPTS AND DUNKING BISCUITS

HOW THE NEED FOR SELF-EXPRESSION BECOMES A BATTLE FOR SELF-RESPECT

July 30, 2026

At the moment I am in the process of promoting my new song that came out on July 8^th.

I hate promotion. It’s like admin. It sort of begins when I send a press pack to influential music bloggers in the hope that they will like it, then talk about it in a positive enough way in a blog which I can use to put on my song-writing Facebook or Instagram page to boost interest, and that the blogger places the song on their Spotify popular playlist.

Trying to make a name for myself. (Photo by Paul Ariss)

It’s often only on the playlist for 7 to 14 days before being removed for new music to take its place, so you hope enough people listen to it during that time and like it enough to save it to their own playlist. Given the staggering amount of new music that is released on Spotify daily, it’s a tough hope.

And yes, there are other streaming platforms such as Apple, Amazon, Deezer and so on, but when it comes to real influence there is only one show in town and that’s Spotify. Like it or not, and it’s often not, that is the reality.

I’ve had some fantastic blog reviews, one on my last song released in March I found an emotional read (in a good way).

But all this is a hard slog. And it can be demeaning. It’s like please, please, please like my new song. And please keep on listening, that would be ever so lovely. Obviously I don’t actually say that but sometimes that’s just how it feels.

When friends feel like customers

It’s especially demeaning when it comes to friends. Many of them have followed my separate Facebook page for my songs and that’s lovely. But Facebook/Meta is a business and doesn’t love me or care about my music, it cares only about business. So each time I publish a post for a new song it is programmed to only reach a very low amount of my followers.

But then the monolith that is Facebook gives me the option to boost the post. This basically converts the post into an ad which gets sent out to any age or listening dynamic of my choosing, which is a scattergun choice that in many ways relies on guesswork. This costs any amount of money from a few pounds for about a week (a waste of money, frankly) or to be really effective, tens or hundreds of pounds for a longer period to reach considerably more people but at a rate I can’t afford.

And this means many followers don’t see my posts and by the time they do they have often forgotten who I am and why they followed me in the first place.

This can create other dilemmas. Do I post a song link to my normal Facebook page where I know there is a much higher chance my friends will see it, and if I do will this lead to overkill? In short, if I post my song link, then later a favourable post from a music blogger and then a few days later the song video will they get fed-up with my self-promotion?

That said, some friends don’t mind, and are genuinely interested. However I don’t expect a big response, they all have other things going on that doesn’t afford them the time to listen to the track or watch the video or read the blog. And though very well intended, most won’t save to a playlist to still be listening in six months or so.

So at what point does sharing it with friends cross over into using them to get a handful more streams or video plays? This is all comes back to Facebook not distributing my posts to all the people who have chosen to follow my song-writing page because as I said, Meta. Does. Not. Care.

But it is essential, no music blogger is going to take you seriously if you don’t have a dedicated Facebook and Instagram page.

My secret weapon in the promotion battle

A big boost for me comes from a source that has nothing to do with music bloggers or friends, and that’s something called Pick My Postcode, available in the UK. Delivered daily to participants email inbox, it is basically a free daily draw where people can fill in very short surveys or click on links and can win small, but decent amounts of money if your postcode area is picked.

PMP has a video section, where artists like myself can upload to them a video of our song and if it gets chosen will feature for two or three days. People click on the video, a postcode pops up, and if your postcode gets chosen then you win some money. From a promotion point of view, Pick My Postcode has been very significant for me.

As an example a few years ago the video for my song Your Truest Faith was featured. The video on YouTube had sat on a stubborn 35 views for weeks. After being shown on PMP for three days it had risen to over 700. Each time a video of mine is shown I get a noticeable hike in views, streams, nice comments and new followers. And the best part about it is the people have no axe to grind, and there is no hard sell, or demeaning promotion involved whatsoever.

I have told a couple of other artists I know about PMP but they have ignored me, possibly because my enthusiasm can come off as just that, promotion for Pick My Postcode and I may vested interest, which I don’t. So never mind, all the more room for little ‘ole me. It is my biggest source for genuine, organic followers and you won’t find it in any instructional video or website on how to build a fanbase.

It begins where it begins

Of course all this is a long way from the moment I pick up a guitar, find a chord progression I like, chip away at it until it becomes a song, and the day I take it into the studio. The recording is one of the most exciting and fulfilling creative processes I have been involved in, whether other people end up liking the song or not.

Guitar line up from the recording of my latest song.

All I then want, is for people to listen, and that’s the hard slog.

Most days I am working on creating songs, writing scripts or short stories and the occasional blog. Each one relies on enough people liking it to listen, read, publish, or produce on stage or screen. So every time that work gets put out there for acceptance a part of your pride or self-respect is up for grabs, and it can go either way, often on small details.

Which is probably when the most essential requirement is formed – a skin like a rhino.

And just to illustrate how much I hate self-promotion, I was worried this blog may be viewed as a trojan horse to promote my new song, so you may notice I haven’t mentioned the title at all!

Anyone know a good therapist…..?
A SPRINKLE OF SALT AND VINEGAR ON MY FISH ‘N CHIPS DRAMA

July 13, 2026

20 years ago, England were playing in the 2006 World Cup in Germany.

It ended in another inglorious failure, an apparent Golden Generation of English players that included Stephen Gerrard, Joe Cole and Wayne Rooney losing 1-0 to France in the Quarter-Finals.

Just before it all kicked off however for me there was a bright ray of optimism as I entered the BBC World Cup Tapes competition, which was about writing a 3-4 minute monologue based around the World Cup for BBC Radio 5.

It was written in hope rather than expectation, as these things always are. But I tried, as I invariably do.

I wrote a comedy monologue about a guy who works in a Fish n’ Chip shop who’s boss is too mean to give the staff any time off to see the football, or even to have a TV in the chippy for the staff to watch. I gave it the title of Salt and Vinegar.

I went over and over it to get it as right as I possibly could. I deliberated and deliberated again, changing a word here or a phrase there. I wanted the character to be black and to sound authentic, not easy for the whitest guy in the world. And then I finally sent it off.

Within a week the BBC were in touch asking for my bank details. No mention as to whether I had won, so I tentatively asked if I had, half expecting it meant I was being considered and they were getting the details ready just in case. The cash prize was £150.

They then replied to say I had won.

Actor Kwame Kwei-Armah

The monologue was performed by Kwame Kwei Armah, an actor who had achieved public fame in the UK for playing Finlay in the hit BBC hospital drama Casualty. However Kwame was also nominated for the Olivier Award as a writer for his fifth play Elmina’s Kitchen. He has achieved numerous acting and writing credits since and for seven years was Artistic Director of the Centre Stage Theatre in Baltimore. In 2014 he was appointed A Fellow of The Royal Society of Literature.

His list of credits and awards continued to grow and in 2026 his musical CrazySexyCool has been performed at The Arena Stage in Washington DC.

But for just 3 and a half minutes in 2006 Kwame brilliantly performed my little monologue which I wrote in my bedroom and was broadcast to the nation on BBC Radio 5.

As England progress in the 2026 World Cup it is nice for me to look back on something I had largely forgotten about and very few of my friends at the time got to hear. I look back on it now with genuine pride.

If anyone would like a listen, here is a link that has sat metaphorically gathering dust since 2006.
HOW MY LITTLE BLOG TRAVELS THOUSANDS OF MILES TO THE PLACE THAT USED TO BE HOME

June 29, 2026

WordPress, the hosting site host of my blog and pretty much each one I follow, have recently been giving out badges in recognition of a blogging milestone that your blog may have reached. It’s a little like badges given to Boy Scouts but for bloggers, and if you run a successful site these can no doubt be very nice to receive, particularly for more dedicated bloggers than myself who have put the years of work in to merit them.

I was a recipient of a couple of badges, my first was for Perfectionist. Turns out I was awarded this for making 20+ amendments before publishing a post. I found this amusingly ironic as I’m not sure where the line is drawn between being a perfectionist and being a procrastinator. Several of the amendments were made because I found a word or two missing that I’d missed on the previous dozen readings, but if they want to give me a badge for that then load me up.

I also received a Globe Trotter badge (above), which means my blogs have been read in over 50 countries. Wow. Okay most of us, unless you started very recently would have this on our blogs but it is kind of weird to think my little ramblings have reached that many countries.

The Trouble With Stats

All this made me look more deeply into my stats. Normally doing this confirms my confusions about blogging such as the following: why do almost all the people who follow me, in most cases for years, never engage? I mean, nothing, as in not a single like, not a dicky bird of a comment, often not an email opened. I get that some follow me in the hope of a return follow but when that doesn’t happen why not stop following?

And how is it that some bloggers regularly like my posts, but not because they actually follow me? Do they seek me out on a regular basis but don’t want to commit? But that’s fine, if they take the time to read my blog and send me a like I’m grateful. Better that than as mentioned, follow but don’t get involved.

However, a couple of interesting stats emerged when it comes to where my blog is read. On the 5^th March 2021 I published the post How My Anxiety For Hong Kong’s Future Pulls Me Closer To My Past. The blog basically talks about the two years my parents spent there and expressed my fears for the independence and freedoms of the place where I was born.

The blog received a staggeringly low response at just 4 likes. Three people commented. I often see mind-numbingly dull, unoriginal blogs that get 10 times that response. Not for the first, or indeed the last time I seriously considered whether blogging was for me.

Then I decided to put it on a local Facebook site, one that covers basically the local area. I’ve no idea why I chose to do that but it worked. I got lots of lovely comments from people I’d never met. I was offered help on how to find places should I ever go back. I put it on my personal Facebook page and again a lovely response.

My next door neighbour who knew both of my parents said their son showed it to them and they were shocked as my parents had never mentioned Hong Kong to them. What turned out to be an anonymous blog suddenly opened up a side to my mother and fathers life that most people were previously unaware of.

Me in Hong Kong at just 8 weeks old, and already being sponsored by Coca Cola.

Paul is back in town…kind of

At the time I wasn’t getting any engagement at all from the island of my birth. Gradually that began to change. My blog site now regularly has more viewings from Hong Kong than the UK, pretty remarkable given the population is just over seven million. I also get a comparable number of views from mainland China. Am I being monitored? Do I have people from the island who have just simply taken interest in my blog given my relationship with Hong Kong?

Or is it, as is most likely, a combination of both of those things?

Whatever the reasons, it’s a lovely feeling to know I’m reaching people in the place that previously I had not been able to reconnect to at all. I recently met, quite by chance, a young man from Hong Kong who has been living in Liverpool for the last couple of years. He speculated there may be a possibility I wouldn’t be granted a visa to visit there because of the blog.

Maybe the disproportionate attention my blog gets there bears this out, but it’s hard to imagine the Chinese state seeing the blog hardly anyone engages with as a threat to their national security.

I suppose it all points to even my tiny blog can be worth the trouble after all. My old blogs, including my first ever, do get read on a weekly basis somewhere in the world which is a weird but quietly satisfying feeling.

So thanks to anyone, anywhere who reads any of my posts but as it’s my birthday on July 5th, a special shout out to anyone who enjoys reading it in Hong Kong – thank-you so much, it means a lot, and take good care.
ANOTHER LIFE, ANOTHER TALENT GONE FOR NO REASON

June 11, 2026

Earlier this week the death of song-writer Tala Riley was announced, following a fatal stabbing at his home in East London.

It has been a terrible period recently in the UK for stabbings, a couple which have been seized upon by opportunist politicians to increase division and hatred no matter what the violent consequences might be or the increased hurt it brings to the victims loved ones.

Tala was a Grammy award winning songwriter and at the time of writing the circumstances around his death are unknown and are being investigated by the police who have already made an arrest, though whether it will lead to a conviction is unclear.

Working in genres I wouldn’t normally be deeply familiar with I admit I wasn’t really aware of Tala Riley’s work but nonetheless his death shocked me when I saw the news. Maybe because of the work that he did, the tributes to his personality and how the nature of his talent all clashed with his violent demise, I did feel a sense of real sadness at his passing.

I now know that he worked with the likes of Dua Lipa, Britney Spears, Jessie J, Nick Jonas and H.E.R. for which he won the Grammy, for the track “Light’s On”.

I don’t have anything to add as I’ve picked up information from news sources such as this one from Rolling Stone, but I suppose I just wanted to pay tribute in some small way to someone who for most people, maybe even those who follow the artists mentioned would probably have been unaware.

Yet to rise from East London to such lofty heights in an ultra-competitive music industry must have taken considerable determination and talent and of course what has now also been lost is the work he would have continued to create.

Yet another talent needlessly extinguished. And at 35, a healthy and strong young life ended, someone who would have been an inspiration for those looking to get into the creative industries from uninspiring beginnings.

Below the video to the song Last Dance from Dua Lipa written in collaboration with Tala Riley. Condolences of course to his family and people who worked with him closely.
WHEN CHANGE FEELS SCARY AND SCARY FEELS GOOD

June 2, 2026

Forgive me WordPress, readers and bloggers, it is two months since I last posted.

I have no excuses, but I do have reasons. First off, I didn’t have anything to post about, but I knew you’d muddle along without me. Given the sporadic nature of my posts, I wouldn’t think you’d probably even notice.

But I have been dipping into other people’s posts as often as I can, so I haven’t been completely invisible.

I’d like to say the world has improved in the last two months but if anything it has got worse. Anyway, that’s not why I’m posting today, that’s for future ramblings.

As I was saying, my reasons for not posting are because I had nothing pressing to post about, but my main reason was to indulge in some housekeeping about life and creativity. Things had got to a point where I felt I needed to make some quite radical changes and this needed my full attention.

THE SCRIPT FACTORY

I felt my writing needed an overhaul. It needed a fresh outlook following a year or more of personal stop and start upheaval. So I signed up for an intensive five-week Script Reading course with The Script Factory based in London. This involved five two-hour Zoom sessions each Tuesday night breaking down for the first three weeks selected film scripts and spending the next week breaking them down into Synopsis, Premise, Character, Structure, Dialogue and so on, then submitting them through each Sunday to be assessed and critiqued.

The course was run by Justine Hart and Christine Bogard-MacLeod, creators of The Script Factory and both with long experience of working in the UK Film history and involvement with BAFTA. Together they run several courses for people hoping to break into film and television either as a script reader, writer or producer.

In the 4^th and 5^th week we did similar breakdowns for television series. It was a genuinely enjoyable course with some excellent fellow participants and a lot of hard work that took discipline, thought, preparation and time. But it was very satisfying, and I came out of it with greater understanding that I aim to take with me into any future projects.

SCRATCHING THE SURFACE

The other change I felt was needed was more on an everyday personal level. In the last couple of years some of the people I knew locally are no longer around, for varying reasons. As a result I had become something of a stranger in my hometown since moving back. The first four months of my house move were taken up with decorating, switching energy suppliers and all of the long-winded processes involved with updating details blah-blah and then I got to the point of what next?

I have my long-term friends but with their own lives and families there can be weeks or even months in-between meet-ups. My family the same as they all live two and half hours away, and all work long hours. As much as I enjoy my creative pursuits much of it is taken up within my own home.

I had already joined The Scratch Network in Liverpool, who showcase scripts in development and on May 9th had part of my developing script ‘The Stop-Off’ performed downstairs at The Everyman Theatre in the city, a theatre fundamental in the early development of actors like Stephen Graham, Pete Postlethwaite, Bill Nighy, Julie Walters among many others.

An excerpt of my play ‘The Stop-Off at The Everyman Theatre

Packed full of about 150 writers, actors and directors I had to get up and introduce the piece, which thankfully went down extremely well. But I wanted more of the same, not just a one-off. This meant not just on a creative level, but on a social one as well.

Beyond going to the gym three times a week and the cinema once a week, I needed to get out. But to where, and in what way? So one Sunday morning I lay in bed and realised I needed to get out and about and meet new people. This would involve a major change in outlook and approach, more than at any point in my life.

ACTING IT OUT

As a natural introvert, being around lots of people in a social situation can be, well, exhausting. But I knew I needed to turn that on its head to avoid hearing the same conversations, many of which were going on inside my own head, and falling down that step from being alone, to being lonely. There is a big difference, but the line between the two is a thin one.

Photo from The Merseyside Academy of Drama

So armed with a new sense of purpose, I signed up for an 8-week Acting for Beginners course at The Merseyside Academy of Drama in Liverpool. What could be scarier for an introvert than that? But scary suddenly felt good. Just days later The Shakespeare North Playhouse, just three minutes walk away from my front door, launched their own Acting for Beginners course, running for 9 weeks. So I plunged into that too.

Am I insane, I asked myself as I drove into Liverpool on that first night? Then I stepped into a room of about 30 people of all ages and ethnic mixes all asking themselves the same question. Two hours later the room was buzzing with chat and laughter. We are now half way through the course, the same at The Shakespeare North.

Few of us have any pretensions to be actors or believe we have any ability but we are having the best time finding out. In that week I must have met and laughed continuously with about 60 people I would normally have walked past in the street.

I am already looking at what I will be doing next, but it won’t involve sitting at home staring at the same four walls. I feel as though something fundamental is changing that is having a really positive impact on my life overall.

And (yes, there’s more), the more eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that now I’m actually putting out a blog I’ve changed the look a little. Inspired by blogging legend Hugh Roberts at Hugh’s Views and News I have gone from a Classic theme to a Block theme. It was a lot more straight-forward than I imagined it might be, though I do plan to make more changes to its appearance as I go along. They won’t be as radical as walking into a room full of strangers and acting like an idiot but it’s all part of the same thing. So cheers Hugh.

I’m sure you’ve all had instances when you have chosen or been forced to make changes that may have been daunting at the time, but have been beneficial in the long run. If you’d like to share any, it would be great to hear about them.
HOW THE BURDEN OF SORTING MEMORIES BECAME A VIDEO TRIBUTE

April 2, 2026

In the last few months I have had the unenviable task of working through a huge pile of old family photographs and items that needed to be either kept or thrown away.

Anyone who has ever been in this position knows how the responsibility can weigh heavily. This can be extra difficult when you are downsizing and there is the need to cull as much as possible. It can be an emotional ride that can at times feel like a burden. I have two sisters but as they live over a hundred miles away a lot of the decisions on it needed to be left to me.

There were several occasions when I would start then put it away for a few days. There were one or two periods when I would just lie down on the floor surrounded by it all. Other times I would make an excuse that something more pressing would need doing such as cleaning the bathroom/kitchen/loft or reading the complete works of Charles Dickens. In short, any excuse I could find to put off the decision.

A small selection of old photographs and letters

But with the clock ticking on leaving my old house I simply had to get on with it. I was quite ruthless on items but on photographs I largely avoided the decision. Also on paperwork that I didn’t even realise we had, such as letters to my grandmother from the Admiralty in late 1943 saying my Grandfather was missing from a ship that had been hit by a German air-attack, followed by another short letter in early 1944 saying he was now presumed dead.

These are life-shattering pieces of correspondence. But it was also over 80 years ago, is there any point in keeping these as all those directly affected have now passed away? And what about the letters from my grandfather sent months before when he had been on a different ship altogether, planning their life together once he got home?

Also birth certificates, marriage certificates. For me these are not things that can comfortably just be placed into recycling. But if I didn’t deal with it then, is it just kicking it down the road for someone else to deal with later?

I imagine many of you have been faced with the same dilemma.

I must confess, in regards to the paperwork, I have kept them. In contrast to how I found them, I’ve put them all together in one place. It could be that sometime in the future I simply let them go.

As for the photographs, I’m systematically having them copied online by a local photo printer and I’m storing them on my desktop. At some point I may also let the originals go.

But a way I dealt with the pressures of the process was by picking up my guitar and writing a song about it. As the weeks went by I refined the song which I titled, quite concisely I suppose, ‘Looking Through The Past’. The song was put out on streaming platforms on March 20^th and so far has been well received.

To accompany the song came a lyric video. To construct this I found short pieces of film from online video archives that I could use and felt reflected the tone of the track, but interspersed these with many of the photographs that I was sorting through.

My father’s beloved Agfa Isolette camera

Most of the photographs were taken with my father’s beloved Agfa Isolette camera he bought in a camera shop in Hong Kong in 1956 or ’57. He used the camera to take photos of my mother and of myself from just a day or two after being born and the weeks ahead. It is a beautiful camera that accompanied us all through the next couple of decades on seemingly every family occasions and holiday.

So now many of the photographs I agonised over are on a video on You Tube and will be widely seen. I have only just begun to promote the video but I will use it as intended, as a promotional tool for the song but also as a way of honouring the memories of those who have meant so much to us.

This year, indeed this month, is the fiftieth anniversary of my mother passing away and more than anything, this is, I hope, a fitting tribute to her. The song was released on her birthday.

So it’s nice to know that something that felt so difficult and was emotionally such a strain, has been turned into something positive.

If you would like to take a look at the video, here it is:
Daffodil Days #WordlessWednesday

March 25, 2026

All photos by Paul Ariss. No AI used in production of any images.
HOW NOT TO FEEL OLD IN A MUSIC WORLD DICTATED BY THE YOUNG

March 23, 2026

Yesterday at the Liverpool Philharmonic Hall in Hope Street, Liverpool, between the city’s two iconic Anglican and Catholic cathedrals, I attended the Music Career Industry Festival.

The festival, being organised and run by Sentric Music, a music publisher founded and based in Liverpool but also with an office in London, is mainly for people planning to build a career in the industry which included information on how to build live events, work in publishing, studio production; indeed most aspects of the mechanics of a sustainable music career, all of which covered the mornings speeches and separate presentations.

The opening of the afternoon events at Musicfest (photo by Paul Ariss)

I attended the afternoons events which was for those more in the musically creative area, such as bands and artists. Armed with my all my massive symptoms of Imposter Syndrome I wondered if I would stand out because as is often the case at such events, be it festivals like this or workshops, I am often the oldest, or at least one of the oldest attending. And I’m not your A-Typical musician either, so I wasn’t sure how I would fit-in.

How will I be viewed by the fresh faced, bushy-tailed muso’s? Will I be afforded a patronising ‘aw bless’ smile by the young turks fronting the query desks at Sentric?

What helped a little was the afternoon’s keynote Q&A was with Guy Chambers, producer and songwriter for such musical luminaries as Robbie Williams, Tina Turner, Kylie Minogue, James Blunt, Scissor Sisters, Rufus Wainwright and Mark Ronson. As a musician he was also a member of The Waterboys and World Party.

However it is his work with Robbie Williams he is best know for, working on several albums with him and co-writing massive UK hits such as ‘Rock DJ’, ‘Feel’, ‘Millennium‘ ‘Let Me Entertain You’, and ‘Angels‘.

And quite settling for someone like me, with Guy being only five years younger than myself!

Guy Chambers (on right) being interviewed yesterday

As someone who’s main enjoyment in making music now is in the actual opportunity to do it, any streams anywhere from anyone is a constant joy. However when I started out seriously as a lyricist in a writing partnership with composer Bob Mouat in my late teens to late 20’s we were very driven to get our songs published and recorded, ensuring many trips to pound the streets of London to record companies were undertaken.

Now of course people do all the work via their computer screen at home, or on their mobile phone, building social networks to get known amongst the noise of social media. And yes, most of the panellists yesterday were in their 20’s and 30’s but as those most skilled in this field, it was interesting to hear how they progress, and the path is not as linear as you might expect.

Michael Aldag for instance, a young musician from Liverpool has built an Instagram following of over 308,000 by trial and error, but hit gold by doing little comedy pieces on his ‘platform’ (you hear that word a lot ) and as he explained, he hoped by doing this it would act like a trojan horse to sneak his music in without forcing it.

And it worked, with over 84,000 listeners a month on Spotify, and TV work for Channel 4 on something completely unrelated to music. Michael is a big personality as well as a talented musician. Social media was made for people like him and it is a natural home, so it would be wrong for someone a couple of generations along to judge.

Even Guy Chambers said social media is ‘everything’.

What I did find encouraging was the regular reference to the importance of being authentic. In the world of constant product and the largely unnavigated waters of AI, the requirement for authenticity is becoming more necessary than ever. Don’t try to be like everyone else, seemed to be the mantra from the event, don’t be a copycat, be an original.

So I’ll try and use social media better but of course I‘m no longer seeing music as a career I can dip my toe in without the pressure to compete. Do I really want to build a personal brand, another phrase often dropped into the conversations of the day?

But conversely did the day make me feel like a dinosaur? Well it all depends on perspective. I started off in my late teens doing this, in the days of knocking on doors and posting off cassettes. Now I’m here well into my 60’s still learning, still enthusiastic, and getting glee from someone I’ll never meet on the other side of the planet hearing my song, watching my video.

Back when I was all fresh faced and bushy-tailed myself, I didn’t have the means to do that. I was lucky if I could get my songs beyond the slush pile of a music executive or a mate living in the next street. Now I can reach anywhere and I feel just as incumbent to produce good work in 2026 as I did in 1979. And that’s a really good feeling to have.
A NOWHERE MAN SITTING IN MY NOWHERE HOME

March 19, 2026

For those of you about to read this blog beware, I may not be who I say I am.

I may not even exist.

I only mention this because over the last couple of months, authorities in my country have yet to be convinced that my identity is genuine.

In this world of identity theft and scams at every turn I’ve found my quest to update my records to account for my change of address and/or email address fraught with suspicion and doubt.

I am not here, so don’t tell anyone (image by Rawpixel.com on Freepik)

Currently I am in the troubled process of informing the Driver and Vehicle License Authority (DVLA) that I now live somewhere other than the place I did when I passed my driving test back when avoiding crashing into a horse and cart was a daily source of danger.

I have attempted to do this online, but the online system doesn’t allow for people like me who passed my test before a license required a photograph. Back then a piece of official paper that said who you were, where you lived and my National Insurance number was all that was required.

How recklessly simple.

The other problem is that my passport, which has always needed a photograph, has ran out. I simply haven’t left the UK for several years. How unfortunate am I? So the main two areas of identity, a passport and ironically a drivers license with a photo, I don’t have.

So I have to apply for a new, non-parchment, driver’s license. With a photo which had to be signed by a friend saying this is him, I know him, I have drunk alcohol with him on more than one occasion, he is sometimes annoying, but it is definitely him. I wanted him to say he looks much younger in the flesh than in this photo but there simply wasn’t the room.

But the DVLA returned the form saying they need something like….and then a long list of things most of which didn’t relate to me such as a EU Citizen card (thanks Nigel Farage and your misguided Brexit army of fools), or copies of my immigration papers. When I immigrated to the UK from Hong Kong I was three months old and I left the paperwork to my parents, I was too busy defecating and dribbling down my chin, thank you very much.

And besides I was born on what was then British soil thanks to our tendency to imperialise huge areas of the world, including China. Say what you will about our shameful brutality in the 18^th,19^th and early 20^th century, we knew how to punch above our weight.

But I digress.

I am now on my third attempt (my paperwork has been returned to me twice) to prove to them I am a person of reliable heritage. Watch this space. And if you do see a space, it’s because I haven’t filled it in properly.

Which brings me to the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP), a monolith of a government department which has basically, all information about anyone. With the exception of me, it would seem.

I just wanted to tell them I had moved. Moved about a mile and a half, as it happens. So again, with no photo ID that was permissible – despite having a Proof of Age Citizen card issued by the National Police Chief’s Council with a photo– they asked me for my bank details including account and sort code, and my National Insurance Number, which I duly supplied.

I waited for completion. But no. Even with all those details they informed me they were unable to confirm my identity.

This leaves me with the glaring possibility; do I actually exist?

My birth certificate isn’t acceptable even though it is written evidence I did exist at one point. But then what? Did I just fade away to a barely contained memory? Am I just a rumour? And if so, does this clear any credit card debt?

Have I been living on this island for all these decades like Bruce Willis’s character in The Sixth Sense?

Does this explain why my blog output is so low? Am I really writing this one?

I await my email from the DWP to inform me of my next move. If I get the email, maybe it is proof I did send it and this may convince me at least, that I’m here. Wherever here is because, you see, I’m not allowed to give you my new address….
THE DAY I DISCOVERED JAMES DEAN HAD BEEN STAYING IN MY SPARE ROOM

February 16, 2026

For about 15 years a painting by Alice Dalton Brown hung on the wall in front of me in the small bedroom where I did all my writing. The painting is called Tomorrow Morning. It is a large print, 24” wide and 84” long, and with a nice frame that was of course slightly larger still.

I like the painting, it instils a feeling of calm, space and optimism. Despite it’s size, when I moved to my new property I brought it along with me. I found a nice spot for it, not central as before as I wanted something new in its place, but in an alcove in the new room where I write, and I would still see it most days.

However, when I came to hang the painting in the alcove I was moving in a tight space and as I positioned it on the wall my hand slipped and the painting fell and the glass smashed, ruining the frame.

Fortunately the print itself wasn’t damaged and I have been able to hang it on the space as I wanted, just now without the frame, poster style.

I carefully wrapped the glass in bubble wrap and was about to take it to the local tip a few days ago along with the frame and the full size hard cardboard frame that provided the support for the print. But as I turned the cardboard support around I was shocked to discover on the other side was a full-size print of James Dean.

The print is Gottfried Helnwein’s painting of Dennis Stock’s famous photo of Dean in Times Square in 1954, originally called ‘On Times Square’ but later renamed ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Dennis Stock was working for the Magnum agency at the time.

Though obviously surprised that it had been chosen as a backing for another photo, I was amazed to think that for about a decade and a half it had been hanging directly in front of me for all that time without me being aware of it.

So now what to do with it? I’m not a James Dean fan, so I’m not going to hang it up. I’ve felt the whole rebel icon thing about him was so overused it became cliché, though I do recognise his major cultural place in that period.

Looking online prints smaller than this of ‘Boulevard..’ are fetching decent money, so I’ll probably sell it as some point. After all, he does owe me rent.

Or it may grow on me, and I’ll keep it because me and Jimmy Dean do go back a long way, even if I didn’t know it.