ABSOLUTELY EXAGGERATED AWESOME NIGHTMARES FOR THE SUPER EXCITED

The girl standing ahead of me recently in the post office was distraught. She turned to me and through her face mask told me the experience was a ‘nightmare’. Was it because of her face mask, I asked? Apparently not, though she admitted it didn’t help. The reason she was having a nightmare was because she had been waiting for nearly a quarter of an hour. Yes that’s right. A quarter of one hour.

A harmless post office queue? Or Armageddon?

Now I’ve had nightmares where I’m being attacked by a spider the size of a whale. I’ve had nightmares were nuclear warheads are about to hit my hometown, but I can honestly say I’ve never woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming of a fifteen minute queue for a book of first-class stamps.

TAKING EXCITEMENT TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL

Conversely, a couple of days earlier I’d attended a webinar where the administrator kept saying how super excited he was to be there. Super excited. I wondered what level of excitement you have to reach before you become super excited.

I’ve been excited at football matches when I become a 11-year-old again, I’ve been excited when tickets have dropped through my door for a gig or when I’m going on holiday. But did any of those qualify for super excitement?

I looked at his expression for a clue. He just smiled a lot. Maybe super excitement took you to a place of extreme serenity beyond screaming and hugging strangers (pre-covid of course. Now we’d just fist-pump till our knuckles bled).

Then I asked the administrator a question. It was just a simple question about song promotion on social media. He replied by saying my question was awesome. It was not awesome. It was merely a good, solid question. But this man, already at a level of excitement beyond my comprehension, considered my question to transport him to a state of awe.

Yes, he’s excited. But is he super excited??

Bless him. The guy just needs to get away from his laptop screen and look around him a little more to understand awesome. Look at pictures of the earth from space. The great pyramids of Giza. Victoria Falls. The surface of Mars. Then maybe re-evaluate my query about Facebook.

WHEN EXAGGERATION BECOMES THE NORM

But to be fair, he was just representing the general social propensity towards exaggeration. I pine for the days when answering ‘yes’ to a question was sufficient. Slowly it seems, ‘yes’ was phased out and replaced by ‘absolutely’. When, why and by whom was it decided that yes was not absolute enough?

Maybe it was the need to be really positive about almost everything, probably devised by political speech writers and spin-doctors, eager for us to live under a ‘blanket of transparency’ (not talking bullshit to you and me), where people no longer have problems, instead have the seemingly more digestible and manageable ‘challenges’.

Wars have been replaced by conflicts. Based on this WW2 could be gradually re-named in the history books as the Second World Conflict Challenge.

I’m exaggerating of course, but isn’t that what we do nowadays?

During the recent lockdown I’ve been told by more than one person that the inconvenience of social restrictions were like ‘being in a war’. Really? I would challenge anyone from the UK to say to someone from Syria whose family and home have been destroyed by constant bombing and have no recognisable social structure in place that having to wipe down a bag of Dorito’s was like being in a war.

WHAT WOULD WILLIAM SAY?

I tried to offload my irritation regarding everyday levels of exaggeration to my friend but she was too busy being ‘gutted’. Apparently Next online didn’t have the top she wanted in her size and the disappointment at this was the equivalent of having her internal organs laid bare and sliced into sections by a razor-sharp knife.

William Wallace

Scottish Knight William Wallace was, quite literally, gutted in August 1305. After being strung up to the point of near-death, his male parts were severed before later having his body cut into four separate parts. Now that is a whole different level of disappointment. I hope he was wearing a top in his size, just so he knew he looked good ahead of the most excruciatingly painful experience imaginable.

But all I can say for sure is that he wouldn’t be super-excited about the situation. Nope, not even close.

9 thoughts on “ABSOLUTELY EXAGGERATED AWESOME NIGHTMARES FOR THE SUPER EXCITED

  1. I noticed the opposite side of this when watching a football match. The losing team’s manager opined his team would need a little adjustment to their defensive alignment having just lost 7-2. Lovely and timely post.

    Like

  2. I am super excited to respond to your magnificent post. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) One of the items that struck my funny bone during the early part of the pandemic was learning about what professional gamblers were betting on in the wake of inactive sports leagues. One better described an over/under bet he made on the number of times President Trump used the word “incredible” in his press conferences.😎

    Like

  3. Nice post, Paul. I’ve always wondered when and why it was that homosexuality became ‘gay.’ When I was growing up, the word gay always meant happy. Given that ‘coming out’ as gay was a terrifying experience, what’s gay about it? It also gives old movies like ‘The Gay Divorcee’ such a different aspect to that of what the movie is really about. I guess it’s a sign of the times?

    Like

    1. Interesting point Hugh. I would guess it wasn’t a mantle created by the homosexual community itself, but rather from outside based on the stereotypical idea of a homosexual man being flouncy and camp, perpetuated by the likes of Larry Grayson. But as you say, it’s a misnomer for what is for most, a painful experience, and a misrepresentation. Thanks for pointing it out, I hadn’t really thought of it before.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve always wondered about where it came from, Paul. I can’t remember when it came into play. I guess some of these words stick, while others never see the light of day again. The word ‘lush’ is another one. My sister recently described a meal as ‘lush.’ And there was no vegetation on her plate.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Paul. I always look forward to your blogs and this could be your best one yet. Funny but relevant and poignant at the same time. How do you do it?
    Also love the post from Hugh about describing a meal as lush when there was no vegetation on the plate!
    Things will continue to be crap for us all for a very long time yet but you certainly lift my spirits. Keep it up!!
    Thankyou

    Julie S

    Like

    1. Thanks Julie-Jane! Glad it cheered you up by the way! I’m doing some more soon so don’t forget to click on that Follow button by the right side of the post headline.

      They will be super-awesome. Or they could just be alright I suppose….

      Thanks,

      Paul

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s