I recently read a quote that said; and I’m paraphrasing a little here, that it’s not just about the big people in your life that have made your life whole, like your parents and siblings and other close relations, but the people who have occupied your life at some stage to a significant degree, only to leave it at some later stage.
The reasons they leave can be vary widely, but essentially they are gone. It got me thinking and realising that this is true. They are someone who may be have been there for years, someone with whom I may have shared my hopes and aspirations and frequently laughed with, but now rarely come to mind.
I’m particularly thinking of work colleagues. Back in the early to late eighties whilst working in Liverpool I enjoyed a social life that was an extension of my working life. I can think of at least half a dozen people who I worked, gossiped, griped, laughed and socialised with on a frequent basis.
It was a rich and in retrospect, carefree time. I may leave these people still sitting in the pub on a Friday night and then next see them sitting at their desk on the Monday morning. I recall one Thursday night in a club taking part in a hairy legs competition whilst out with three other work friends then being back in work the next day like it had been a perfectly normal thing thing to do.
Yet it wasn’t all about non-hairy legs and alcohol consumption. Never having been much of a drinker myself, it could never have been just about that. It was just the laughter and the companionship. A shared experience. Pulling down the bosses and laughing at their pomposities and power games.
Then, everything changed. I went travelling across America for a month and when I returned the rumours I’d heard previously regarding a relocation had occurred, and three of my closest friends had left. The relocation wasn’t feasible for them as it was up to thirty miles away; none of them drove and public transport would have been too problematic.
This was the days before mobile phones, Facebook, Instagram and the like, and as we hadn’t actually lived near to one another, all contact was lost. Most I never saw again and my biggest friendship of them all gradually petered out as shared experiences can only last so long when those experiences are all in the past.
Some were however able to relocate and I made new friends over the years at this new location, some of whom I keep in contact with via social media on a regular basis, and a select – let’s say elite – few I often meet up with even though we stopped working with each other at least twelve years ago.
Yet those others from years before, and school friends, friends I didn’t work with but struck friendships that lasted for years but gradually faded into memory, all have played a part in my life and in shaping who I am.
I began this by saying it isn’t just about close relations, but one close relation called Martin who was more a best friend than a cousin, is currently receiving end-of-life care. From the age of five to sixteen Martin and I were inseparable and our constant laughter lit up those formative years.
Then with his family moving away, he discovering the allure of public houses whilst I was still under age, all led to a separation that only ended when I opened a message through Facebook eight years ago that said ‘are you my cousin, Paul?’ Thus began a rekindling of a special bond with someone who not only helped shape my life, but very happily was able to return to it, something I’ll always be grateful for.
SONGS AND SCRIPTS AND DUNKING BISCUITS 
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